“How Can I Say This”
A new solo album by Annie Capps
Coming Spring 2022
Just a quick little post to let you know about this exciting new project. A batch of songs that found me playing in a deeper sandbox thanks to a few great songwriting workshops presented by my very talented pal, Jan Krist, and a monthly songwriting group called The Songsmiths where we write to prompts. It’s safe to say I’ve had a lot more time to sit and think. A closer look at the subject matter gave me the idea to make this an all-women project where every musician, recording engineer, artist, consultant etc.. is a woman. Don’t get me wrong. I love men and it’s been really hard not to take full advantage of the very talented one who lives with me, but it feels right to try this on my own. The good news is a growing list of incredible women will be playing or singing on these songs.
I’ll be launching a Kickstarter campaign in January to help me fund the project and that’ll come with a whole lot of reveals. And you don’t have to be a woman to contribute. =)
Does it feel like we keep telling you to “stay tuned” for news that’s worthy of your attention? Well, it does to us… I don’t think we’re alone in our feelings that everything takes longer these days. Why is that? We supposedly have more time? I heard this a lot from my Mom and other retirees – “I just don’t know where the time goes?” You know that old saying “if you want something done, give it to a busy person”? I hated that saying. I AM one of those busy persons (typically) and I struggle with the “NO” word. People come to depend on you and you don’t want to let them down. I know I’m not alone. Guess who I got it from. That’s right. Mom. She’s my hero and role model and one of the most thoughtful, selfless humans I know. As a British boarding school-raised child, she embraces the “Keep calm and carry on” mantra in the most literal sense. This is a woman who would drive herself to the emergency room, go through a myriad of tests to rule out a heart attack, and call us on her way home. No, wait, she’d probably go visit a sick friend first. God forbid she should … Well, we’ve given her the what for on that and now she lives with my amazing sister. We talked yesterday and as I listened to her berate herself for failing to accomplish anything, I recognized the voice in my head. This time, I wanted to be the voice in her head. “Mom, you spent your life, working, raising 5 kids and after Dad left, holding down a full-time job with two more still at home. You accomplished so much…” interrupting, she says “no more than anyone else.” – got that from her too.
Anyway, I’m trying to be kinder to myself and allow for the effort it takes to keep the anxiety and weariness of our isolation at bay. Yes, Rod and I have each other. We’re lucky. But just like everyone else, we used to have friends we’d hang out with on a regular basis. We used to see actual faces in front of us when we performed, we used to think nothing of spontaneously jumping in the car and hitting our favorite restaurants, shops and live music venues. Now that vaccines are soon to be available for everyone, we’re looking forward to a bit less of that isolation, but if you’re paying attention, you know the vaccine isn’t an invitation to go back to “pre-COVID” normal. A lot remains to be seen and though we are extremely hopeful, we know that we’re facing another summer that looks very much like last summer.
Last year we were fortunate to be part of the Ann Arbor Summer Festival’s Tiny TOPS program and though we hope to be on their roster again, it’s probably just one day and we loved the idea so much that we hope to encourage more of you to consider hosting a small gathering of friends and family in your back yard, or other outdoor space where folks can socially distance. Live music provided by The Capps duo, trio or band for a sliding scale that you can recoup by charging admission to the show. FIND OUT MORE HERE.
I was listening to 1A, the NPR program, yesterday and they were talking about the moratorium on evictions coming to an end. When I was 19, my sister and I got evicted from the apartment we shared. It was our own behavior that brought this on. We had a place to go. Back home to our Mom where she still lived in our family home. We had a huge safety net that perhaps we didn’t deserve. But today as I imagined all the people being kicked to the curb through no fault of their own, the word that kept popping in my head was HOW? HOW can I take one moment of self-pity for what I may have lost this past year? HOW can I take anything for granted? HOW can our government let this happen? HOW can I help? HOW can the big banks who we bailed out all those years ago not step up to help the millions of humans most directly effected by this pandemic? Most landlords need the rent to pay the banks, so they alone can’t be expected to just forgive rent payments unless the banks forgive their debts. HOW can I be so sure that’s the right thing to do?
We are so fortunate. Privileged. I mean, just look at the view out our kitchen window. Even on a gloomy day it’s a postcard. How can I not take a moment to appreciate this and be grateful.
My friend, Lauren Crane, turned me on to the Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman. Each day there’s a new quote from one of the stoic philosophers (Seneca, Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius). The authors then interpret those bits of wisdom as they might apply in today’s time. I got the book in January and each month there’s a theme of sorts. December is all about death. Acknowledging its inevitability and – as the old adage reminds us – trying to live each day as if it’s your last. My cousin volunteers for “Text Crisis line” a suicide hotline for LGBTQ teens (text 741741 for a crisis counselor 24/7). Happy to report he saved a young life recently and I’m sure he’s saved many more just by being on the other end of the phone but this one was imminent and he was able to get help sent over before it was too late. Thank God for him and people like him. He does it for two reasons. The obvious one; that he wants to help but it also takes his mind off his own ailments. He was diagnosed with HIV/AIDs nearly 40 years ago and back then AIDS was more often a death sentence. He never thought he’d be rounding the bend to 60 but while years of anti-viral cocktails may have kept him alive, they did a number on his body and he’s in constant pain from neuropathy. Still, he never complains. He takes each day as it comes, gives back when he can and is always there for a hug, a laugh (lots of a ’em) and never fails to say “I love you” more than once. My sister recently spent six physically and emotionally agonizing months on chemo following a colon cancer diagnosis just before her 60th birthday. Though her prognosis is excellent, this was a wake up call. Anyone who knows anyone close to them who is going through or has gone through a life-threatening illness, unthinkable pain and loss, or is just living with a disease we can never fully understand, will recognize that feeling of helplessness. Of wishing you had super powers to make it all go away. Of not knowing what to say. We make it about us. I have to sit with that for a while …
For now, I just want to circle back to the one thing that keeps me grounded. It’s not new and appears in many a cliché but I believe it’s in no danger of losing it’s power to remind us how to live. GRATITUDE. With that, I’d like to share one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite people, Grammy award winning composer and fellow member of The Yellow Room Gang, David Barrett.
A Grateful Life, by David Barrett
Hey friends! The band (that’s right, Jason and Ozzie will be joining us) is popping up live and in-person at a new stage tucked away on a river in Manchester.
SUNDAY, October 18 – 2pm
It’s outdoors, wide open space for keeping your distance, very LIMITED SEATING. This is a last minute event and we sure hope you’ll join us! Advance purchase required to save your seat. Click the button above or below.
Back before COVID, there was a brand new festival scheduled for August 1, called River Rhythm. Hosted by Eric and Stacy Sheets and Vic and Susan Mann who had a beautiful new stage built for the occasion. Sadly, the festival could not happen but we’re super excited to be breaking in the stage for them a bit late in the season!
$20 per seat
Show time is 2pm
Bring your own chair, blankets, snacks and beverages.
We kindly ask you to be respectful of each other’s space and wear masks whenever you need to be closer than 6 feet from folks not in your quarantine circle.
We’re just so excited to be playing for people in 3d!
The last gig I played (a solo show in-the-round with two other songwriters – Andy Baker and Nicholas James Thomasma) was on March 13th. And even as I headed out on the long drive to South Haven from our home in Chelsea I was questioning whether this was irresponsible and should I just turn around. But damn! I had been looking forward to this evening for a long time. And though many other larger concerts had been cancelled, the organizer made the decision to go ahead with this show. Who am I to say whether it was right or wrong. We had a small attentive audience who took care not to hug or touch but we were definitely not staying 6 feet apart. Within a couple of days, EVERYTHING came to a halt, grocery and big box store shelves were bare where things we take for granted used to be in plenty, the uneasy shoppers were doing their best to smile at each other while hiding the panic, and youthful cashiers seemed unaffected. Two weeks later, the news has been getting steadily worse and now we’ve barely left the house. Rod’s been working from home for a little over a week and other than one quick stop at the store for some groceries (and wine – that’s an essential, right?) we’ve stayed put.
So far, we’ve had 6 gigs cancel through early May. Not a huge number and nothing like our full-time touring artist friends who depend on every gig dollar for food and shelter. Almost immediately, the live streaming concerts from living rooms, kitchens, and even bathrooms by everyone from Joan Baez and Elton John to those who just play music as a part-time hobby started crowding the social media platforms. Some were asking for money for themselves or a charity, others just wanted to share a song or two for free.
Not gonna lie. I still can’t quite figure out how to navigate this new paradigm of performing to a screen without someone booking me to play on their stage. I mean, live streaming has been around for a long while now. Long before coronavirus people were filling gaps in their schedule or sharing a song via Facebook Live. But until now, we haven’t gone there. For some reason, I’m more confident with the experience of performing for live humans on a stage in a venue.
I’ve never been one to spend a lot of time on Facebook or Instagram anyway. I post when I have something to say or share or promote but more often than not, I start typing something that I thought was interesting and then think better of it. Yes, I’m an over-thinker. But the truth is, while I want to be supportive, it brings me down a bit to spend too much time paying attention to what other people are doing. It’s too easy to fall into the dangerous comparing mentality.
But are we not still real artists even if we’re not rushing to “Go Live” from our home? Will people forget about us when all this goes away? It’s not like we had that many gigs in April so we didn’t lose as much as those who are out there trying to make a living. We’re lucky that Rod has a stable day job that will keep our bills paid. So I ask myself if or why we should take up space on the airwaves trying to pull people into OUR living room to listen to our music? We’ve been told our shows bring joy to people and that’s as awesome a thing for any performer to hear. But it’s hard for me to imagine, when there is so much great music being streamed every hour of every day, why someone would want to tune in to watch us.
Nothing’s gonna stop me from playing my guitar, or banjo or working on some new songs. I hope to come out of this sequester with a bit more clarity and purpose. We’ve got another month at least of being told to stay the f&*k home so I imagine this won’t be the last rambling musing from my writing room.